just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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