I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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