oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
