Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
