recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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