I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
