ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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