wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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