is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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