im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
