Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
