I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
