The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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