I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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