I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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