i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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