thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
