Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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