seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
