Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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