So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
