why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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