I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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