I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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