I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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