dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she woke up with a sticky ear
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got inside last night via doggy door
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
