Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
