i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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