I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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