I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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