I think my vagina is haunted
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
