He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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