i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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