I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
