shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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