saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
