pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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