I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
