Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
