I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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