brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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