I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
