is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
