you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
