his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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