Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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