I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
