Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
