What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
