You're so nebulous sometimes
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
