The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
