Cold hands, warm shart.
4 words: hood of his car
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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